I can only be funny when I am happy - but I am happy - so, threfore, I am funny.
Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia.
All my life, I always wanted to be somebody. Now I see that I should have been more specific.
Eagles may soar in the clouds, but weasels never get sucked into jet engines.
Today is the last day of some of your life.
Without geography, you're nowhere.
Love your enemies. It makes them so damned mad.
Life is like an onion; you peel off one layer at a time and sometimes you weep.
No matter how bad things get, you got to go on living, even if it kills you.
Life is like a game of poker: If you don't put any in the pot, there won't be any to take out.
Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
Laughter is the shock absorber that eases the blows of life.
If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything.
Funny ... Sixtieth Birthday ... Weddings