Humorous Quotes

All my life, I always wanted to be somebody. Now I see that I should have been more specific.
Jane Wagner, The Search For Intelligent Life In The Universe, performed by Lily Tomlin

Eagles may soar in the clouds, but weasels never get sucked into jet engines.
Attributed to both Jason Hutchison and John Benfield

Today is the last day of some of your life.
Author Unknown

Without geography, you're nowhere.
Author Unknown

Love your enemies. It makes them so damned mad.
P.D. East

Life is like an onion; you peel off one layer at a time and sometimes you weep.
Carl Sandburg

No matter how bad things get, you got to go on living, even if it kills you.
Sholom Aleichem

Life is like a game of poker: If you don't put any in the pot, there won't be any to take out.
Moms Mabley

Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
Author Unknown

Laughter is the shock absorber that eases the blows of life.
Author Unknown

If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything.
Mark Twain